You Need to Get Real

Well what were you expecting to find in the hotel room of two NBA rookies? Girl Scout cookies and jugs of white milk? No, I would expect to find hookers dressed up as Girl Scouts and well……..yeah the jugs too and large amounts of weed.

Mario Chalmers, nephew of Superintendent Chalmers, and Darrell Arthur, related to no one of any significant comedic status, were just minding their own business when suddenly two hookers with weed busted into their hotel room. Don’t be such a skeptic it could happen to anyone with enough expendable cash to pay two skanks to do a B&E.

From the mighty eSpN.com: “The players were sent home for violating program rules,” NBA spokesman Tim Frank said. “They will be appropriately sanctioned and will have to repeat the program next year.”

But next year they will have to avoid getting caught with weed and hookers. There are 69 league rookies at this hotel in Rye Brook, NY, let’s do something wacky and have them all piss in a cup(not the same cup) and see what percentage of these rookies aren’t using weed. I’m guessing about 85% will fail the THC test.

Ok now it’s time to play “Drugs? Those Ain’t My Drugs”

Michael Irvin: (from Wikipedia)In March of 1996, Irvin was arrested on charges of cocaine possession at a hotel party celebrating his 30th birthday. After numerous court appearances amid a national media circus, which featured Irvin showing up to court in a full-length mink coat, he plead no contest to the charges and was sentenced to community service, ordered to pay a $10,000 fine, and put on 4-years probation
A year following his retirement from the NFL, Irvin again was arrested on drug possession charges…..

You know what, there are to many arrests for “The Play-maker” to list and too many times to think that he’s just a victim of being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Drinking Problem? I Don’t Have A Drinking Problem: Jamal Anderson Passed Out at a Bar and other Athletes gettin’ their drink on.

And with the amount of people popping pain pills you would think that somebody is driving around a Pedophile Wagon(ice cream truck) selling scoops of Vicodins. Rush Limbaugh, Brett Favre, Bill Romanowski(and I’ve lost interest in go-ogling anymore) Another round of opiates.

Twas the night before Brettmass, when all through Packerland
Everyone was busy searching, for their #4 Foam Hand
The #4 Jerseys were hung by the cheese with care
In hopes that Saint Brett soon would be there

The Cheeseheads were all passed out in their beds
While visions of Super Bowl glory danced in their heads
And mamma in her flannel, and I in my cheese cap
Had just turned on EsPn for non sports related crap

When out on the lawn there arose a big rattle
I just figured it was the neighbors in another drunken battle
Away to the window I flew like a stalker
Tore open the mini blinds and grabbed the Johnny Walker

The sun on the breast of my neighbor’s teenage hoe
Almost made me miss what was happening below
When, what appeared after my drunken neighbors yelled Yahtzee
But a small twin engine plane, and 500 paparazzi

With a little old quarterback, not so lively and quick
I knew the retired one was back, wow what huge prick
More rapid than vultures the reporters came
John Madden in tow screaming his name

“I’m done! Now I’m back, Donald Driver once caught a ball
That bounced off his back”
“To the top of my steak house, where my picture’s all over the walls”
“Ted Thompson can’t trade me, he lacks the balls”

And then there was some other stuff. Yada Yada Yada

He sprang to his Chevy, to his team gave two fingers
And to Packer’s stadium he drove, like a boil that lingers
But I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of site
“I might change my mind again, later tonight”

Brett Favre comes out of the closet. According to ESPn he has made the statement “I’m going to be at Packers Camp”. He did not make it clear if he meant Green Bay Packers or Wisconsin Fudge Packers Summer Camp. Congratulations Brett, your name is still in the news for no good damn reason.

Steven Jackson (Rams) skipped a meeting and is now considered by the Rams to be holding out. I don’t see any reason for Jackson to hold out in his last year of his contract, he’s only had a half of a good season with the team. The rest of the time there have been various injury excuses for his poor running. Maybe Jackson is just a dumb ass and is hanging out outside the Edward Jones Dome waiting for someone to open the door? Somebody send a pigeon to tell him that camp is outside of Milwaukee this year.

When will the Redskins stop signing (bad, old, bad & old, injury prone) players to big contracts? Did they not learn anything from Jevon Kearse, Adam Archuleta, Marc Brunell, Antwaan Randle El, Bruce Smith…….
Hell no they haven’t, Jason Taylor come on down! They are the Yankees of the NFL, to much money and not enough sense stop the bleeding.

Anquan Boldin is pissed that he still plays for the Arizona Cardinals. He wants a new contract, but he’s under contract until 2010. Anquan signed a 22.75 mill contract extension but he needs somebody to show him the money. Show him the money that Larry Fitzgerald is making that is. Fitzgerald signed a a four-year $40 million with $30 guaranteed.
Oh, guess who Anquan’s agent is? That’s right you guessed it Drew Rosenhaus.
In an AP interview Boldin said:

“It’s not even about Larry’s deal,” Boldin said. “Larry earned everything he got. Honestly, he played his butt off. He deserved it.”

When they say it’s not about the money, it’s about the money.

According to EsPn (and don’t we all believe everything they say) there has never been a “Professional” Basketball game played outdoors. It is also being reported by eSpN that Chris Behrman’s hair is real.

What do those two headlines have in common? Well besides nobody caring. Well ok that’s it, nobody cares.

In other TFITW news: Brett Favre was in the state of Wisconsin tonight! He gave a speech for a guy he knew better than two guys should ever get to know each other. His former Center Frank Winters was inducted into the (fudge) Packers hall of fame. When they got on stage and faced each other Favre remarked, “Why Frank I’ve never seen this side of you before”.
Then Brett was stalked by reporters for three hours, until he hopped aboard the Oscar Mayer Weiner Mobile and snuck out of town.

Greg Norman leads the British Open by 2 strokes going into the final day. Norman 53, years of age was questioned by reporters that asked such tough questions as “Do all Australians own Kangaroos?”, and “How could a 53 year old choker win a major?” The only one he responded to was a question about his conditioning. “Greg did you use drugs to get yourself back into shape” His response. “Well mate if you consider BJ’s from Chris Everett a drug, then I guess I’m guilty”

Speaking of drugs, the worlds largest bicycle race keeps putting peddlers into rehab quicker than an Olsen twin. Can’t you skinny bastards peddle up a hill then coast down the other side without cheating?

Saturday at the Thompson residence, Ted’s TM alert tone goes off. Ironically it’s “You’ve lost that Lovin’ Feeling”
Ted’s phone: Text Message from #4rulz

d00d
KK

Ted is not the hippest cat on the block, and he only TM’s his mother on Sunday’s. “BFF” is what they always send and receive. So when Ted saw the strange message he thought to ask his teenage son to translate. “No, if Brett can pitch I can certainly catch, and translate the message”. Ted heads to his office and fumbles for the text message dictionary that he received for Christmas.

“Let’s see, d00d = Dude and KK = Knock, knock, shoot I can do this.” He fumbles through the book, then slowly pecks away at a response on his 6 year old 3com flip phone.

From TnT: HRU(How are you?)

From #4rulz: CRB, PLMK, TMB, HHIS.

“Jesus what does that mean, it will take me an hour to figure that out” “Why doesn’t he just call me”? One hour later. “Ok, CRB = Come right back, PLMK = Please let me know, TMB = Text me back, HHIS = Head hanging in shame”. “Wow, he sounds desperate, I’d better respond”.

From TnT: HOAS (Hold on a second), IDTS (I don’t think so), WIIFM (What’s in it for me?)

From #4rulz: WIBNI,  WB, #4, WISP, WDYT

“This is becoming painful” Two hours later. “Ok WIBNI = Wouldn’t it be nice if, WB = Welcome back, #4 = Arrogant Prick, WISP = Winning is so pleasurable, WDYT = What do you think? “ I think you’re an ass hole, but I’m sure I’ll never figure out how to send that back in a text message”.

“You’ve lost that lovin’ feeling, whoa that lovin’ feelin”

“Oh crap, he sent another one”.

From #4rulz: WB, WB, WB, #4, BRT, BRD, CB

“Ok Brett what do you have to say now”. Forty five minutes later. “Ok WB = Welcome back * 3, BRT = Be right there, BRD = Bored, and CB = Crazy *biatch*? “ Ted , not sure how to respond to being called a biatch, and even more unsure of what a biatch is decides to text #4 one more time.

From TnT: TBH (To be honest), M8 (Mate), GOI (Get over it), GB (Goodbye)

“Hopefully Mr. Legend get’s the freaking message this time”

“You’ve lost that lovin’ feeling, whoa that lovin’ feelin”

From #4rulz: ORLY, WDYK, BT, SNERT

“Oh great more code to decipher”

“You’ve lost that lovin’ feeling, whoa that lovin’ feelin”

From #4rulz: BIF, LYLAS, CIAO, P911

“I’m turning my phone off after this” One hour later. “Ok, ORLY = Oh really?, WDYK = What do you know? BT = Bite this, SNERT = Snot nosed egotistical rude teenager. Well, let’s see what the last one from good old #4 has to say. BIF = Before I forget, LYLAS = Love you like a sis, CIAO = Good-bye, P911 = Parents coming into room alert. WTF?”

Puzzled and confused Ted turns off his phone and goes back to waxing his legs.

Meanwhile, back at the Hall of Justice (what Brett likes to call his house) Brett returns home from a fishing trip.
Mrs. Favre: “Brett I was so worried I’ve been trying to call you.”
Brett: “Shucks, I must have forgotten my phone again. Hey where are the girls?”